


Shut Out the Noise

by Blubunn



Series: Come Back To Me [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Catatonia, Diverges from 12x19, Explicit Consent, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-15 04:05:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11798025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blubunn/pseuds/Blubunn
Summary: Dean deals with some of the struggles that come with settling Castiel into the bunker.





	Shut Out the Noise

**Author's Note:**

> [Based on this image](https://blusart.tumblr.com/post/164162636470/)   
>  [Master Artpost (*spoilers*)](https://blusart.tumblr.com/tagged/comebacktomeverse/chrono)

After the first night, Dean tried to get Castiel into normal clothes. When he told him he would dress him, Castiel wouldn’t respond. When Dean insisted it would be better than the robe, and moved to remove it anyway, Castiel began to shiver and Dean would back down. He couldn’t understand why Castiel preferred the robe over clothes. When the robe slid open, Castiel would shiver until Dean closed it. When the belt loosened from moving around, Castiel would shiver until Dean tightened it. If the robe slid from his shoulder, Castiel would shiver until Dean straightened it. Castiel would want Dean to hold him when Dean slept, but then he would wake up to Castiel shivering if Dean shifted the robe in his sleep. Dean was certain Castiel didn’t like the robe, but Castiel would shiver any time Dean tried to change him into normal clothes without his consent.

“Why won’t you let me put you in regular clothes?” Dean asked in as gentle a voice as he could, swallowing his frustration. He knew even before looking at Castiel’s blank face that he wouldn’t be able to answer the question. Dean needed to dig for the answer with questions Castiel could respond to. 

After a few days of this, Dean sat up on the bed with Castiel’s hand in his own. He had to calm Castiel down after he woke to find the robe had completely opened during Dean’s sleep and Castiel’s body was a quaking mess. “Do you want Sam to change you?” Dean asked. Castiel shivered. “Do you want Mary to change you?” he tried again once Castiel stilled. No response. “Cas…” Dean had to redirect his irritation and try again, “Cas, do you like the robe?” Shiver. Dean found some satisfaction that he at least was able to figure that much early on, but now Dean had to think harder. 

He turned his gaze toward Castiel. “Can I put a shirt on you?” Castiel’s hand twitched. Dean’s brow perked at this and a new suspicion began to form. “Can I put pants on you?” Shiver. That was it. Castiel didn’t want him to wash below his waist when he first arrived. It brought up the suspicion that perhaps Castiel desperately wanted to be washed there, but he didn’t want anyone to touch him there even more than he wanted to be cleaned. Dean needed to take a breath as he felt rage threaten his heart as the things Ketch did to Castiel became clearer. He draped the rage in satisfaction that he was the one to kill Ketch as brutally as he did. 

Dean returned his attention to Castiel, finding some sort of center as he continued. “Cas,” he began, keeping his voice as soothing as he could, “if you hate the robe, you need to let me put actual clothes on you.” Castiel remained unresponsive. “I can’t hold you when I sleep if you stay in the robe,” Dean insisted. This made Castiel shiver and Dean did his best to calm him. “I move in my sleep, Cas. It’s not okay for me to hold you knowing that you’ll spend who knows how long shivering until I wake up to fix your robe. You can’t keep yourself safe from that right now, can  you?” No response. “You understand why it’s bad for me to continue to hold you in that robe when I know all this, don’t you?” No response. “You find my presence comforting, right?” Twitch. “Well, if we go to bed knowing I’m going to shift your robes in my sleep, it’s not going to be comforting anymore. You need something solid right now, Cas, and if we keep doing this, you’re going to lose that. You’ll condition your body to be afraid of me when I sleep, and it might escalate from there. You might not be able to find comfort from me after a while. You can see that, can’t you?” Castiel’s fingers shivered in that way he did when he wanted to say yes, but he wasn’t sure.

Dean lifted Castiel’s fingers to his lips. “Cas…” he breathed against them. “Cas, I won’t hurt you. I want to be there for you. I know I haven’t been when I should’ve, but I need to be a pillar for you now. I want to keep you safe. I want to protect  you.” He looked into Castiel’s walled off eyes. “I want you to come back to me, Cas. Please. Please, Castiel. We only have to do this once. I won’t hurt you.” Castiel’s fingers trembled so lightly, Dean knew he was thinking.

Twitch. 

Dean smiled at him. With a cautious hand, Dean reached forward and brushed his fingers through Castiel’s hair. “I will make this as easy as I can, I promise.” Twitch. “Here’s how we’ll do it. I’m going to leave your robe on and stand you up. I’ll arrange the pants so I can step you into them. Then I’m going to pull them up and it will be over. We’ll get a shirt on you and you won’t have to sleep in this robe anymore. Does that sound reasonable?” Twitch. “Good. Are you ready?” Twitch. “Here we go.” 

Dean stood and eased Castiel to his feet. He straightened the robe and secured it closed around him so his lower half was completely covered. He guided Castiel toward his dresser and stepped away to pull a pair of sweatpants from them, which he draped over his own shoulder. Then he moved Castiel to the center of the room. Holding his hand, and keeping his eyes on Castiel’s, he began to back up until Castiel’s arm was stretched almost completely, but he could still reach Dean. 

“Are you okay?” Dean asked before he released Castiel’s hand. Twitch. “I’m going to arrange the pants. I’m right here.” Twitch. Dean leaned forward before he released Castiel’s hand so it didn’t swing wildly when it fell. Castiel’s hand fell to his side with only a slight sway. Then Dean knelt down to arrange the pants on the ground so the legs were scrunched against themselves and the holes were as wide as he could make them. Then he stood and returned to Castiel’s side, careful not to disturb the pants. “You’re going to step into them now,” he said before he moved Castiel toward the pants. He got one foot in, but the other overshot just a little. Dean shifted Castiel around, careful not to disturb the pants too much. It was almost like they were dancing. 

Finally, Castiel’s feet were in the holes. “That’s good,” Dean said brightly when he looked back up into Castiel’s eyes. “Now this is the hard part. I’m going to kneel down to grab the waist of the pants.” Castiel began to shiver, but Dean caressed his hand. “I know you’re scared, Cas, but remember, I’m not going to hurt you. We only have to do this once. I’m going to look straight down at the pants. When I have a hold on them, I’m going to look there,” he pointed to the side, but Castiel didn’t move to look. Dean held his arm and pointed hand up as he clarified, “I’m going to look away, to the side while I pull them up. I won’t see anything. My hands will be on the side of the pants. I will not touch your penis. I will not touch your butt. These are sweat pants. They will stretch out and over your penis. Nothing will touch it until I let go of the waistband and the pants are settled on you.” He looked in Castiel’s eyes, and took the time to clarify again, “I will not touch your penis. I will not touch your butt. Okay?” Castiel’s fingers quivered for just a moment. 

Twitch. 

“That’s good, Cas. You’re doing so good. I’m going to look down at the pants now, and then when you feel them come up, I will be looking to the side. I will not look at you. I will be stretching out the waist. I will not touch your legs. I will not touch your penis. I will not touch your butt. Okay?” Twitch. “Here I go.” 

Dean stepped back just enough and looked full down, only seeing the pants around Castiel’s feet. Then he knelt and took hold of the waistband, stretching his hands inside it so it stretched out wide. “I’m looking to the side now, and I’m coming up,” Dean said as he turned his vision to the wall to his right, and began to move the pants up. He did it as quickly as he could, but careful to keep his hands stable so he didn’t touch Castiel. He felt the bottom of the robe touch his hands and begin to lift. He heard Castiel’s breath catch only just, and he knew he was beginning to shiver. “We’re almost finished,” he soothed him, being so careful. 

Finally, Dean was standing and he knew the pants were up enough, easing them close just a little before he let them go. The soft material made a soft rustling sound against Castiel’s skin, cushioning him against the elastic that snapped into place around his hips. Then Dean lifted his hands up into the air, palms toward Castiel as a bright smile touched Dean’s lips. “And we’re done! We don’t have to do that again.” He reached for Castiel’s hand, letting it rest in his upward palm. Dean felt the last of Castiel’s shivering fade away. “You did so good, Cas,” Dean said, slowly reaching forward to brush his fingers through Castiel’s hair. “Now, how about we get you out of this robe and into a shirt?” Twitch. Twitch. Dean smiled. Castiel was happy. 

He finished dressing Castiel in one of his Henley shirts, and tossed the robe to the bed before he took Castiel’s hand. “I’m so proud of you, Cas,” Dean praised his angel. Castiel twitched his fingers in Dean’s hand. “I’m going to hug you, okay?” Twitch. Dean hugged his friend close. He didn’t always ask for permission to do this, but after the high stress situation, he did his best to make sure Castiel didn’t become overwhelmed. There was just the slightest pressure against him from Castiel’s body, and he knew his friend appreciated what they did together. 

============= 

It took Dean less time to realize that Castiel was afraid to be alone than it did to finally soothe him into letting Dean put proper clothes on him. Any time Dean almost stepped out of Castiel's reach, Castiel's hand would shoot out and latch onto Dean. His grip was always tight, but Dean never felt that he wouldn't let go. If Dean pushed his hand away, he was certain it would fall limp to his side and Dean would be free to walk away. 

He could never do that. It never occurred to him to push Castiel's hand away. When it happened, Dean would take Castiel's hand into his own and step back into his space so he could usher Castiel closer to Dean's destination. Dean had pushed Castiel away too many times. Ignored him when he knew he was calling for help. The last time they spoke, Dean knew Castiel sounded strange, but he let it go. It was difficult for Dean not to blame himself for everything that happened to Castiel. Every time he pushed the angel away, Castiel would get hurt trying to prove himself. Trying to prove himself to Dean. 

"You didn't deserve any of this..." Dean whispered to Castiel when the guilt became too overwhelming. At night when they lay together in his bed. When Castiel would sit so silent and still while Dean ate beside him. When Castiel let Dean rest his body against him while Dean read up on a case or did research for Sam and Mary. 

Hunting was out of the question. It was too dangerous to take Castiel, and Dean couldn't bring himself to leave him alone. Sam had their mother watching his back. Dean would support them from the bunker much like Kevin used to. He knew that his research abilities weren't on par with Sam's, but he wasn't useless. On occasion, Castiel would even help in his own way. He would press against Dean to guide him toward a book. Shiver if he missed something. His shivers while he guided Dean weren't like the ones when he was frightened. 

When Dean touched him wrong or held him in a way he couldn't handle, Castiel's entire being shook. Depending on the severity, he would either stop on his own when Dean removed the offense or Dean would have to calm him down. When Castiel guided him, his shivers were much lighter, like his twitches, and only reached along the arm Dean touched. 

Dean needed to manage Castiel with a fastidious hand. His responses were so light that if Dean wasn't careful, he could miss them. Dean was somewhat of an oaf compared to Sam or Mary, but he was disciplined. It didn't take long to learn how to ease his touch. He maintained constant contact with Castiel, ready for any sort of response from him. 

In their downtime, Dean would hold Castiel while he watched movies, listened to music, or read out loud. Sometimes, he would even take Castiel out for a drive in Baby when Castiel felt up to it. He would always ask Castiel what he would like to do, what he wanted to listen to, or watch. He would read out titles and summaries, and then asked for Castiel's choice. He always received a response, much to Dean's delight. 

Despite how pleased Dean was to have Castiel responsive at all, it pained him. He did his best to bury that pain with his guilt so he didn't cause anymore stress to Castiel, but some nights he couldn't help it. His grip on Castiel would tighten and he would hold his catatonic friend so tight as he remembered how strong he was. Castiel, angel of Thursday. Castiel, angel of the Lord. Castiel, the soldier. Castiel, the badass angel of Team Free Will. He smote the best of them. He fought his way into hell and tore Dean's soul from perdition. Castiel, his best friend. 

Castiel would begin to shiver when Dean held him this way, and let the pain wash over him. He shivered so bad, it took a huge effort on Dean's part to set him calm again. Some nights, tears would even flood from Castiel's unseeing eyes. The first time it happened was the hardest on all the Winchesters. 

“Try singing to him,” Mary suggested from Dean's doorway, worry in her voice as she watched her son try to calm his friend. 

Dean looked up at Mary, startled. His door had been closed, but she had been passing by when he was begging Castiel to relax. Dean was sitting behind Castiel on his bed with a movie paused on his laptop. Castiel’s body leaned back against him, but he was shaking. Mary heard Dean pressing apologies and pleas onto the crying, shivering, broken angel, and she let herself in. She watched the two for a moment before she offered her suggestion. It hurt her to her core to see her boys in so much pain. “Sing to him,” she said again. “When you were inconsolable, singing was the only way to calm you down.” Dean looked desperate, but incredulous. She could try herself, but she felt that it was Dean that needed to be the one to sing for Castiel to hear it. “Sing to him,” she insisted. 

 _“Brother, let me be your shelter…”_ Dean sang softly with a broken voice. _“Never leave you all alone…”_  He slid his hands along Castiel's trembling arms, cradling the angel’s hands in his delicate hold. _“I can be the one you call...when you're lo-o-ow.”_  Castiel continued to shake, but his tears were stopping. 

 _“Brother, let me be your fortress…”_ Mary continued when Dean couldn’t go on, moving slowly to sit on the edge of the bed. _“When the night winds are driving on…”_  

 _“Be the one to light the way…”_ Dean picked up again with a more stable voice, singing with his mother. _“Bring you ho-o-o-ome…”_ The two sang to Castiel, gently easing him back into himself. When they finished, Castiel was calm again, Dean cradling the back of his hands in his palms. Castiel even allowed Mary to rest her hand in his own palm. 

Dean rested his forehead to Castiel's neck, a soft, relieved sigh escaping him. He offered his mother a broken smile to show his gratitude, his green eyes brightened from the tears that glossed over and reddened the whites of his eyes. Only one tear fell before he turned away from her gaze. She gave Castiel a gentle smile, caressing his palm before she left the boys to themselves. 

She found Sam leaning against the wall outside Dean’s room with silent tears streaming down his face. Sam hurt for his brother and their best friend. He may not be able to care for Castiel the way Dean did, but he still felt so much pain for the two of them. Mary shut the door before she pulled her youngest into a tight hug, and led him away to offer him comfort now. 

============= 

 _From that moment, Castiel would tear at his walls with the sound of Dean’s singing flowing through the cracks every night. He had to get back to Dean. The walls he built were so strong, and so thick. When Castiel began to lose hope that he could break through, he would hear Dean sing to him and it energized him. It made him stronger._ “He’s dead…” _Dean would whisper through the walls, and Castiel would scream with effort as he tore harder._ “You’re safe…” _Castiel cried out to God for strength as he slammed his broken grace against the wall._ “I’ll protect you…” _Castiel sobbed as his grace chipped against the wall._ “Cas...come back to me…” _Castiel wailed Dean’s name._


End file.
